A Day in the Life of an Organist

I am one eighth of a ward organist (there are eight of us, so I only play every eight weeks.) Here are some instructions in case you haven't done this before:

8:09 Congratulate yourself that you are leaving the house a minute earlier than intended. Ignore the fact that you didn't really brush your three year old's hair or put on makeup. Sniff the baby as you descend the stairs and realize that it's more that a little apparent she hasn't had a bath in a while (milk in the neck creases apparently turning into stinky cheese.)

8:14 Arrive at church parking lot. As previously arranged with husband, jump out of car, hymn book in hand while he carries thirty pounds of baby and gear into the church.

8:16 Jump in with gusto to practicing the closing hymn in the guise of prelude music. Since no one is in the chapel yet, play it over and over again to calm the before-performance jitters.

8:21 As some people trickle into their seats, practice the other two hymns as prelude and other various hymns you know by flipping through the hymn book.

8:27 Since church will start in three minutes, begin in on real prelude: two hymns that go well together facing each other in the hymn book which you can actually play.

8:28 Make promises to yourself that next time you play the organ you will practice a lot more. Try not to envision self running out of the chapel screaming when hymns turn out too difficult to play and ward membes stand up, point and laugh.

8: 32 Start to get sick of playing the same two songs over and over. Why isn't the bishopric standing up yet?

8:34 Start to worry that people in the congregation are actually listening to the prelude this time and are getting as sick of the same two hymns as you are and are organizing some sort of strike. Changing stops and keys can only get you so far. Calculate if the time it will take to flip through the hymn book to find another prelude song will cause the "oh I thought we were starting since the prelude stopped but we're not and now let's all stare at the organist flipping through her book" silence to ensue.

8:36 Decide the conducting member of the bishopric will never stand up and you will be playing prelude for at least another half hour. Quickly flip through book and land on a hymn you don't know very well. Start playing it anyway, trying to mask many mistakes.

8:36:30 First counselor stands up.

8:40 Between the opening and sacrament hymn, realize that your legs are half asleep and from reaching forward to change the volume. Start waving your legs around trying to get some feeling back into them and try to keep from laughing as you feel pins and needles.

8:45 During sacrament hymn, start to feel confident enough in your playing to sing along, immediately lose your place and trust your fingers to play the right notes in the very long three seconds it takes to find your place again. Your fingers don't let you down.

8:46 At end of sacrament hymn, flip through book to closing hymn and change stops as quickly as possibly (as all planned out in your head during the last verse of the sacrament hymn) before the sacrament prayer starts.

8:47 Actually concentrate on the sacrament since you don't have a baby (or three year old) to shush, coddle, and entertain.

8:50 Luckily your legs aren't asleep anymore, so you make it back to your pew without falling over.

9:19 Realize the three year old needs a diaper change before nursery and sneak her out the back.

9:19:30 Realize the diaper in question is dirty, not just wet, and wipes are still in the chapel.

9:20-9:25 Change diaper anyway and run (er, walk quickly and reverently) back to the chapel, hoping the closing speaker is still in fact speaking.

9:31 Waiting outside in the foyer for the speaker to finish, concentrate on trying to remember the name of the other ward member in the foyer with you.

9:31:15 Suddenly realize there is silence in the chapel.

9:31:20 Pull open the doors as you hear "We would like to thank", push your three year old toward the right pew and continue walking up the aisle, "We will now close with ..."

9:34 During the last verse of the closing hymn start to feel a bit celebratory since you won't have to play again for eight weeks. Start imagining trills and embellishments in the last line, miss a note, add it a split second later as some unintended syncopation and finish the hymn.

9:36 Feel so good about getting through the meeting, start playing hymns you've never played before as postlude, since the general roar in the chapel will drown it out anyway.

9:37 Decide to stick to the prelude hymns you actually know after all.